How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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