My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
