Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
