thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
