Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i may or may not be watching the land before time
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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