its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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