and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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