Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
