sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Man, jail baloney is awful.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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