Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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