he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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