I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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