tell your sister to shave her snatch
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
