The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
