New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
