I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
