Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
