i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
