You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
this will be a night to untag.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Randomize