I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
