It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
