there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
