no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
