New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
