Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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