He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
