woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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