saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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