So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
