Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
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