I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
