i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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