i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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