i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
