Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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