2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
