He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
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