I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Randomize
