I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
