Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
