What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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