Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Randomize
