One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
