btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i barfeds in our rink
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
