wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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