If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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