Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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