dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
