The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
