I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I understand Curling. That high.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize