We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
