I showed him my bush... on skype.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Sext me about skeletons
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
