He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
