Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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