For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
