I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize