the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
