In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Randomize
