I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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