Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
