I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
