a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
