Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
