I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
