theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Randomize
