he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I'm always down for nudity.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
