96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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