I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
