I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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